so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
