She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
