I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
