Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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