thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
