Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
