I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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