dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
