Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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