I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
