Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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