you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i believe in u and ur pee
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
