Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
