The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
