I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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