I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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