...so i touched it.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
