I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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