I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
