Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
