This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
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He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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