Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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