Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free