a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize