it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
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btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD