in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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