SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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