she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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