No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
