dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
