you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I need to stop coming to work sober
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
