Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
