yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
