My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im having a threesome with these popsicles
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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