captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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