Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You may now shotgun with the bride
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
