Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
