I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
