Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The air was thick with penises
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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