Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
