I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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