AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
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he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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