Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
