I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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