You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
