yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
