tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
