Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
