Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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