What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
