I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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