I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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