The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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