dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
