like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
BRING THE BAGELS
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
