Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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