I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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