i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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