so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
