Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
