Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
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sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
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we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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