Whod you bang
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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