Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
