Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
