Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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