After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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