we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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