when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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